Posted On 19 Oct 2019
A few years ago, I was meditating consistently and making progress. I would do 10 minutes, twice a day, most days.
Then I stopped and I tried to start back up again numerous times, but it was very difficult. I actually felt worse after meditating than I did before. I think it's because my anxiety had become background noise and meditation would remind me that its there.
Yesterday, for the first time in months, maybe years, I had a strong desire to meditate.
I set the timer for 15 minutes and had a wonderful session. Even when I was meditating daily years ago, I rarely exceeded 10 minutes. And I always felt like I was doing it wrong. I had expectations and was constantly chasing a 'high'.
Yesterday, I was able to let go of all my expectations of how I should feel and just kept returning to the breath.
Before I knew it 15 minutes were up, I turned the timer off and sat for another few minutes.
I think that this break from meditating was necessary in order for me to realize how dysfunctional the mind can become.
It's like you dont appreciate something until its gone. You take it for granted. Thats been my experience with meditation.