Posted On 06 Nov 2019
This is the first time I've tried to put my experience in words so thank you for your patience.
I am hoping to hear from others with similar experiences.
I have been hallucinating since I was a young teen.
Glimpses of shadows and walls that breath when I am distressed is how it started. I come from trauma so learned from a young age the art of disassociation and the visions unlocked when in that state.
Since moving to the city for the first time in my life I've noticed a increase in the hallucinations due to the sustained states of arousal I am experiencing. The world moves so fast here.
Since becoming aware of my body and practicing meditations focused on my somatic experience I have also begun to hallucinate after deep and intense sessions. The hallucinations are gentle in nature and not distressing. I'll see lights and energies shifting around people and objects. Like brightly glowing crystals that seem attracted to the object they encircle.
I feel like these visions, although fundamentally different in nature, stem from the same place.
When i am overwhelmed in the real world i dissociate and see things my subconscious is thinking about (trains, figures, the too tall man (embodiment of terror).
When i go deep within myself and feel my body i am disassociating from the physical world external to me and will begin to visualize as well.
The sensation that takes over me when i hallucinate after deep practice is deeply peaceful. I feel connected to the world and my chest is huge with a sense of wonder and of being alive.
But i feel a little disconnected from others when i try to express or understand my experience more.
So if any one has experienced something similar or maybe have a different narrative for what i am witnessing i would love to hear.